Muxlisa

There are no turning points in life, only butterfly effects. One connection leads to another, and suddenly you're somewhere you never planned.

I was going to take those well-known admissions courses. Didn't. Ended up at Agora. Everything started there.

Writing as release

When I play piano, once it gets comfortable, my hands move on autopilot and my brain enters a flow state. I have this thing, maladaptive daydreaming, where I live in an imaginary world, holding conversations with people in my head. It became a habit I couldn't control, even walking down the street. Maybe that's why I only learned sad melodies.

These were all blurry thoughts that never reached paper — until I started writing Agora pages. It felt like a mountain lifting off my body. Writing things down meant I could finally face the reality of situations I'd always avoided because of emotions. The mess turned into a bigger picture of my life.

If Alisher Navoi taught me to ask questions when I don't know something, Agora taught me to find questions I didn't know existed, and to question things I thought I already understood.

On honesty

I hate writing stories. It feels like lying, playing the victim or the hero. Not everything is cause and effect. Past experiences are too uncertain to have cleanly "led" me anywhere. So when I try to connect them logically, it starts to sound like bullshit. That's actually the feedback I valued most, because "it's good" never helps anyone grow.

I visited a lot of clubs, debates, and mock trials and they all felt the same: performing, talking nonsense, fighting to win. Agora Talks was different. It cared about truth. Listening and learning from intelligent people means more to me than bullshitting my way to a certificate.

Finding direction

During office hours, Mr. Husan asked about my major. Choosing one felt like putting my whole life in a single box. I was overwhelmed. 15+ options, afraid to commit. He told me to relax: try one profession for 5–10 years, switch if you don't enjoy it.

Through the reflections he had us write, I decided I wanted to help women and children whose rights were being violated. I picked fancy-named majors. Social policy, human rights, diplomacy. He asked: what specifically would you do to create impact? That's when I realized I didn't want to do research or sit at a UN table discussing a hundred problems. I'd rather save three people's lives as a lawyer.

Doing the real thing

I tried to become an assistant to a defense lawyer to do actual work. I would have visited a case with 1,700+ victims. It was really stressful; now I understand why they don't allow minors in. I couldn't become the assistant due to attorney-client privilege laws, so instead I started helping the head of an IT community — again because of Mr. Husan, who shared a Cursor event in his channel, which is how I met him. I wanted to learn how big things are managed, how people are handled. The vibe was the complete opposite of a courtroom: every event was bright, people were smiling, learning, connecting, having fun. I loved it.

I hate reading. Maybe it's attention span. I hate myself for it, and I'm working on it. What I've discovered is this: organizing events for youth, leaving the chair, going outside, talking with people, actually doing things. That makes me happy.

Startup delusion

I first heard the word "startup" from the Agora team. Had no idea what it meant. Somehow I tried to build one anyway, and became happy and delusional, calling myself a founder at fancy events. Fortunately, reality caught up quickly. I stopped. That was a good experience: you learn what a startup actually is by trying to build one, not by reading about it.

Coming back

I don't know how to define depression. But being at home doing nothing was terrible, lonely, not caring about anything or anyone. The Agora writing course slowly pulled me out. Their Talks, Walk & Talks, and Runs brought people together.

I don't particularly care about university, and my parents didn't go either, but they want me to. If anything, I'd go only for the degree required to pass the bar exam, and for the network. But real learning and real connections are already happening at Agora. I'm grateful they don't just tick the box of sending kids abroad. They actually care about people's lives, help them find meaning, and build a community that stays with you for years. Unlike 3-month admissions courses that just polish you with structure. They tell you to do passion projects. I couldn't think of any — and why would I do something that benefits neither me nor anyone else? I chose to volunteer in something that actually mattered rather than be the "founder" of a raise-awareness project.

Now I help organize Walk & Talks simply because I enjoy it, and I want more people to experience it. I can't sit still. Walking through Tashkent alone is good. Walking and talking with interesting people is much better.